Dear Readers, It is with sadness that we share the news of Cai ending her remarkable life on January 2, 2023. She had planned her death for her 72nd birthday, January 15, but ALS had other ideas. Like so much of her life up to this point, Cai...
Every Day is a Trip
Many of you know that I did a second guided mushroom trip last week, seeking a deeper encounter with death, and wanting to learn how to release my attachment to all I love about life. A tall order to ask of a measly mushroom. I used a different...
A Fork in the Road (Week #3 of “A Brief Pause”)
A few weeks ago I realized I needed to simplify my life to maintain focus on finishing my novel-in-progress. That is when I put this blog into what I’ve called “A Brief Pause,” so I would stop writing about matters of life and death and focus on...
Battling Cancer, Living with ALS
My beloved friend Charlene was recently diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. A number of years ago she underwent a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy because she had the BRCA gene. These operations are known to radically reduce the chances...
How Much Self Reliance is Necessary?
Despite having lived on the West Coast for decades, I remain a New Englander at my core. Born in Boston and raised in a small town only miles from Walden Pond, I was steeped in New England history and ideas. I read the work of writers like...
You Are a Beast
Until the pandemic began, I practiced hot yoga for almost a decade. One day after class a young woman who had been practicing near me approached me in the locker room. She leaned toward me and brought her face close to mine. “You are a beast,”...
My Husband Nurtures Me Like a Plant
A year ago, shortly after my ALS diagnosis, my husband, Paul, began to cultivate seeds under a grow-light in his study for the upcoming summer’s vegetable garden. He took to this project with scientific precision, glad to have a focus for his...
Time Out of Time
When I was teaching college-age and graduate fiction writers, I liked to use an exercise called “Braiding Time” to encourage the students to think about the interior lives of their characters and getting closer to understanding their habits of...
More Love, Please
When I was twenty-seven, living in New York City, and working in film, I was stricken one day by severe abdominal pain that eventually led me to pass out. My boyfriend called 911. The cops came to check things out and called an ambulance which...
What It Feels Like To Be Dying
I have been going to the same masseuse for a couple of years now. When I began going to her my body was fit and strong, not a bad specimen for a woman of my age. Now, certain muscles throughout my body have begun to shrivel and atrophy; I have...